I came to one of the most devastating realizations today. Let me tell you about my day before I elaborate on this tragedy. Today, I woke up at 7. I ate, got myself ready and went to class. I had a stimulating discussion on Plato and what is real and not-so-real in my philosophy course. Then I went to Intro to Social Work, a class that I have some sore feelings for, where we watched the most boring movie about the history of social work and then watched an old State of the Union with Obama, yes, the ENTIRE thing. I don't tend to watch anything on C-SPAN, so I don't know how State of the Union is suppose to go, but this particular one, everyone- wait, I take that back- the democrats would stand up every other sentence and applaud. After which, we had a mere five minute conversation about the similarities between the two videos. After class, I had to rush to work. Now, it was a very rainy day today, so I made sure I had my umbrella. Well, that piece of shit kept breaking on me. I got more wet because this devil of a contraption would flip upside down and collect water then go back to and dump it on me, and then the arms got out-of-whack and I wasn't even getting any coverage. I know I looked like a fool walking with a broken umbrella, getting soaked. Well, then I arrived at work. At work we were doing floor-sets so we were busy. I left work at 9 and made my way home. I barely remember the drive home; I was on auto-pilot. See, when you do the same thing multiple times, your brain makes shortcuts with new neural pathways.
So, what's my devastating realization? Patiences young Jedi. Before I tell you I have to tell you at little bit about my philosophies growing up. I used to think that I was something really special. That their really weren't a lot of people like me. I always felt like I was lucky because I had this gift of being able to be inspired constantly. I saw the magic in everyday life. I would be in awe from the smallest blade of grass that made it's way up between the cracks on a sidewalk to the beautiful silhouette that skyscrapers make when the sun is at just the right angle. I felt special because I was inspired by everything. I have notebooks and sketchbooks full of everything from quotes to poetry to drawings of life's everyday beauties.
My devastating realization? I'm not special. In fact, as kids, we are all inspired by the little things. I've been lucky because I've noticed the magic as long as I have. But grown-ups don't see it. They just remember all of the hustle and bustle of life. Time is ticking for grown-ups, but kids have all the time in the world. I have realized that I'm losing it. I'm growing up*. I have a job and I go to school full time. My room is clean, and is staying that way. I run errands, like going to the bank, grocery store, getting gas or tampons or milk. I have bills to pay and places to be. I can't spend time noticing the true beauty of a song or a flower. It sucks. Growing up really sucks. Magic is real, until you stop noticing it. I don't want to stop noticing it, but how can I? Sure, I might take note when big things happen. You know, weddings, funerals, babies being born. But, then it will fade away. We noticed the magic more after that horrific day in 2001, but now, nine years later, it's gone.
Growing up sucks. I want to be a Toys R Us kid forever.
*To quote Grey's Anatomy, "We're grown ups. When did this happen??"
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