Is There Anything I Can Help You Find Today?

I work in customer service. I am a sales associate at a small volume store in a large mall. Working there at times can be boring, like beautiful days when no one wants to step inside a mall, and yet I'm forced to stand there refolding the same pair of jeans for my entire shift. While I work, I need to find some way of entertaining myself, (not in that way, perv.) So, I have created some games, like Mom or Girlfriend. It's pretty self-explanatory, but for all you slow-pokes, when I see a woman come in with a young guy, I try to figure out if it's his young mom or his cougar girlfriend. Fun, huh? I also play: Foreign or Retarded, (sometimes it's both!) and Deaf or Bitch, (I got it wrong the other day, I felt bad for my glares at the poor girl.) I also play Dad or Kidnapper, but that one kinda freaks me out a little.
Sometimes, though, we actually get customers in our store. Now, let me tell you something about customers: They are stupid. Let me share some quotes:

"What does the one before the zero mean?" "It means they are a size ten."

"When will you be getting that size in?" "Oh, we don't know. Just whenever they ship it to us." "Okay, but when will it come in?" "We don't know." "Well, do you know when they'll ship it?" "No." "What about when they'll come in?"

"How old do you have to be to work here?" "Sixteen." "What if I'm fifteen?" "Then you can't work here." "Oh. Really?" No I'm freaking lying. "Really." 

Yes. Those actually happened. They are exact quotes. Stupid.

Now, I know what you are thinking. When you go shopping you don't ask stupid questions. You're not stupid! Okay, not all are stupid. But, the ones that aren't are just bitchy. Example, you ask? One part of my job is to greet people as they come in.

 "Hey, how's it going today?" Silence. "Is there anything I can help you find?" Silence. "Are you shopping for anything in particular?" Nasty Look. "No." 

What the fuck man? Do you think I want to be asking you all these questions? Do you think I enjoy talking to complete strangers about what they are shopping for? I mean, they aren't paying me to do this or anything. I'm there spending my Tuesday nights talking to some store's customers for nothing. Just a fun past time. Whatever. Just don't be such a bitch. Whatever happened to common courtesy? And just so you know, when you act so bitchy, I'll return the favor. I won't leave you alone. I'll keep coming up to you every two minutes and ask, "Are you still finding everything okay??" Or, "Can I help you find certain size in that??" Until you leave. Or when you want a fitting room. I purposely make sure I keep you waiting. Bite me and I bite back.*

I guess I should also include the customers that aren't stupid or bitchy, those would be the perverts. Yes, I get those, too.  The ones that don't realize that I have eyes or the ones that open the fitting room with out a shirt on, even if they are only trying on jeans. You know, the ones that step a little too close, popping the comfort bubble or touch you arm while laughing, or the ones that want you to measure their inseam. Perfect example is this short conversation I had with an old man:

"These come with a zipper-fly." "Oh, no no no no no! That too dangerous!!" 

Pervert.

So, next time you are shopping or getting fast food or at about to tip your waitress or whatever, be nice. Don't ignore, give glares, hit on, or ask stupid questions, because despite that quote, there are stupid questions, so just keep them to your self and Google it if you have to!


*Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom.