Don't, Don't, Don't Bite Your Friends!

I am a normal, healthy girl. I have some meat to me, but I am not obese. The holidays are among us and gah knows how many photos will be taken, so I want to lose a few pounds. I have already, but I want to lose just a few more.But, I have come to the realization, in my quest to be skinny, that friends make you fat. I live in a city that is often called boring, but we have lots of things to do. We have an ice rink, roller rink, parks, libraries, malls, yada yada yada. We also have an abundance of restaurants. So, when it's a cold, winters night, and you want to do something, where do you go? One of two places, if you are a member of the Clean Quarters:*a friends house or a restaurant. At our friends house, Eytukan of the Na'vi Tribe, his mother, Ellen Gellar, always makes us smoothies and bakes us cookies, basically feeds us everything in her house. Ellen is like a cool, non-robotic, non-evil, non-remote control version of a Stepford Wife, and I mean that as a compliment. Now, if we go to Carrie's house, we eat there. If we go to Sweet's house, we eat. So, let's head to a restaurant, and eat. They make me fat. 

Tonight, I went to Eytukan's house, and Ellen offered me cookies, brownies, smoothies, Bosco sticks, spinach and cheese filled pazones, and these little balls of chocolate filled with caramel rice crispies in them.  I turned them all down. Then we decide we want to leave. We have no where to venture to, so we go to this cute little Mom-and-Pop restaurant called Frank's. I got tea with rice pilaf that had this marinara sauce that I know was bad for me. I can go all day and be perfectly fine, but if I go out with friends, gah help me. Friends make you fat.

*All the cool kids have this awesome nickname for my group of friends, but remember, due to privacy and crap, this name is changed.

BREAK TIME!

Okay, so I was going to write another Creeper McCreeperson story, but first I thought I'd share something with you.

A good friend of mine, (who never reads this blog, so don't tell 'em...) posted this status four hours ago:

Anastasia Beaverhousin* thinks sprinkles are pretty much the greatest thing ever.


Let me explain why this wrong. Let's first examine what sprinkles are. They're made of sugar, cornstarch, vegetable oil, and food coloring.

Yummy.

Now, sprinkles have been described as life's confetti. I always hated confetti. Confetti gets everywhere. I went to a New Year's Party once, they had confetti. I found some in my toilet, three weeks later. (The party was not at my house, and it was not before I sat down...) Sure they make things look pretty- for half a second! Then they just lay there. Sure, thrown in the air adds a bit of glammor, but if they get wet, they stick to everything and then whatever color they were to turn that color. I don't like seeing purple pee! It ain't right.

Back to sprinkles. They are practically tasteless. They never all get on what you want, ya know? Your counter always has some that spilled on it. So you scoop your hand and slide it into your other, but you feel bad wasting it, so you put it on your cake anyways. Then when someone says their pretty frosting tastes a bit salty, you should just brush it off, and hope that they didn't get any of that cat food residue that was laying on the table before you started frosting.

Ten Ice Cream Toppings That Kick Sprinkles Ass
10. Chocolate Syrup
9. Carmel
8. Whipped Cream
7. Frosting, (Oh yeah, you should try it.)
6. Cherries
5. Fudge
4. Hot Fudge
3. Strawberries
2. A Candy Bar, (of your liking.)
1. Melted Peanut Butter


Sprinkles suck.

*Remember the whole name change thing? Was that Obvious enough?